Therapy Questions 101: What to Ask Your Therapist—and What They Might Ask You

Most people think therapy is something that happens to them: you show up, your therapist does some emotional poking and prodding, and you hope that all their insightful therapy questions help to unlock something profound. But the reality is much more nuanced and collaborative. 

Therapy works best when it’s something you co-create. Your questions, your curiosity, your clarity, and your confusion are part of the work. They help you understand what you need, how you’re growing, and whether your therapist is the right partner for your journey. And yes, your therapist will ask questions, too. Not to analyze you from a distance or to judge, but to walk with you towards some important insights.

Let’s break down the kinds of questions in therapy, and why each one matters.

The Therapy Question Loop

Think of therapy questions as a loop, not a checklist. You ask questions to understand your therapist and shape the relationship. Your therapist asks questions to understand your history, emotions, and goals. Then, between sessions, you ask yourself questions that take the work even deeper.

Together, these questions create a continuous cycle of clarity, connection, and genuine change.

Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Therapist

Choosing a therapist isn’t all that different from figuring out which friend you’d trust with your deepest stuff. You know how some friends are perfect for talking about work drama, but you’d never ask them for relationship advice? Or how one person can make you feel instantly understood, while another leaves you censoring yourself or overexplaining? Finding the right therapist is a lot like that. 

You’re essentially interviewing someone to see if they’re the right person to hold your story, ask good questions back, and help you grow.

These questions aren’t about grilling your therapist; they’re about figuring out whether this is someone you can actually open up to, feel safe with, and build something meaningful alongside.

Here are 13 therapy questions to help you find the right fit:

1. What types of therapy do you specialize in (CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc.)?
2. Have you worked with people experiencing the same concerns I’m coming in with? 
3. What does a typical session with you look like?
4. Do you give homework or tools to work on between sessions?
5. How do you measure progress in therapy?
6. What’s your communication style, more reflective or more direct?
7. How long have you been practicing, and what led you to this work?
8. How do you stay up-to-date with research and best practices?
9. How do you handle a conversation with clients if you don’t think you’re the right fit?
10. What’s your approach if a client feels stuck or isn’t improving?
11. How do you handle boundaries, communication, and crisis situations between sessions?
12. Do you have experience supporting people with my cultural background or identity? For instance, have you worked with neurodivergent clients, teen clients, or clients looking for an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist?
13. Based on my primary concerns, what would you expect this approach or treatment plan to include?  

FYI: If you’re brand-new to therapy, you might find the following helpful:

• What I Wish I Knew Before My First Therapy Session
• 10 Things Nobody Tells You About Starting Therapy
• What Therapy Is Really Like

Questions Your Therapist May Ask You (and Why They Ask Them)

In therapy, the questions your therapist asks aren’t random. They’re to help you (and them) understand yourself more deeply. Think of them as invitations or opening doors into deeper clarity, insight, and self-awareness.

Here are some of the questions your therapist may ask in early sessions (and exactly why they ask them), so nothing feels surprising or intimidating.

1. What brings you to therapy right now?
   They ask this to understand the immediate concerns or life events that made this the right moment to seek support.
2. How have you been coping with what you’re going through?
   This helps them see what strategies you’re already using and where you might need new tools.
3. What does support look like in your life currently?
   They want to understand your existing support system and identify any gaps they can help fill.
4. What would you like to get out of our work together?
   This guides them in shaping sessions around your goals, not just their assumptions.
5. Have you been in therapy before? What worked or didn’t work?
   They ask this to avoid repeating past frustrations and to build on what’s been helpful.
6. What does a typical day or week look like for you?
   This gives them context for your stressors, routines, and the rhythms of your daily life.
7. When do you feel most overwhelmed or stressed?
   They’re trying to pinpoint triggers so you can work on strategies tailored to those moments.
8. How do you typically experience emotions: physically, mentally, or both?
   This helps them understand how your emotions show up in your body and mind, which guides treatment approaches.
9. Are there patterns you’ve noticed in your relationships, work, or communication?
   They ask this to help you uncover themes or cycles that may be influencing your well-being.
10. What would “feeling better” or “making progress” look like for you?
    They want to align on what meaningful change looks like to you, not a generic idea of improvement.
11. Who are the most important people in your life?
    This helps them understand the relationships that matter most and how they impact your mental health.
12. Do you have a family history of mental illness?
    They ask this because family patterns can influence emotional experiences, risk factors, and treatment planning.
13. Have you ever tried to hurt yourself? Do you experience suicidal ideation?
    They ask this to understand your safety, assess risk, and ensure you get the right level of care and support.

Questions to Ask During Therapy to Make Sure You’re Growing

Asking thoughtful questions during your sessions helps you stay engaged, understand your progress, and make sure the work you’re doing is truly moving you forward. Here are some questions that can help you check in with yourself and your therapist as you grow.

1. How do you think I’ve progressed since I started therapy? 
2. Are there themes you’re hearing across our sessions?
3. What should I focus on between sessions?
4. What skills would help me cope better?
5. What do you think is underneath this feeling or reaction?
6. Is there anything you think I’m avoiding that might be important for us to explore?
7. What progress have you noticed that I might not be giving myself credit for?
8. Is there anything I need to let go of in order to move forward?
9. What emotions do you think I need to get more curious about?
10. What’s the difference between discomfort that leads to growth and discomfort that signals something is off?
11. Do you think I’m being honest with myself about this issue?
12. What are some strategies I can use in moments when I feel triggered?
13. How can I challenge the beliefs that keep showing up for me?

Self-Reflection Questions to Use Between Sessions

The work you do in therapy is obviously important, but some of the most meaningful growth comes from what you notice about yourself in the days between sessions. These questions help you pause, pay attention, and bring deeper clarity back into your next conversation with your therapist. 

1. Which emotion felt the hardest to sit with this week, and what did it reveal about what I’m afraid of or protecting?
2. When did I feel empowered in a way that surprised me, and what does that say about the strengths I tend to overlook?
3. What moments drained me? Not just because they were stressful, but because they touched an old wound, expectation, or unresolved pattern?
4. In my relationships this week, where did I react from habit instead of intention? And what might that pattern be trying to teach me?
5. When did my body feel safe and regulated, and what conditions allowed that to happen?
6. What did I avoid because it felt uncomfortable? And what story was I telling myself about why I couldn’t face it?
7. When did I feel most aligned with my values, and what does that say about the life I’m trying to build?
8. Which thoughts kept looping? What might they be trying to communicate?
9. Which coping strategies actually moved me forward? Which ones soothed me in the moment but still kept me mentally stuck?
10. What truth about myself did I notice this week that I’m hesitant to say out loud?
11. What am I hoping my therapist will understand about me next session that I haven’t fully articulated yet?
12. What boundary (internal or external) did I wish I had set? What held me back from setting it?
13. What part of me is asking for attention, compassion, or change right now? How can I respond to it with honesty instead of judgment?

Questions That Help You Evaluate Whether This Therapist Is the Right Fit

Therapy works best when you feel safe, seen, and genuinely understood. If something feels off, it’s worth paying attention to. These questions can help you reflect on whether your therapist is the right partner for your goals and your emotional well-being.

1. Do I feel safe, understood, and respected in sessions?
2. Do I feel truly listened to?
3. Does my therapist help me reflect in ways that feel supportive?
4. Do I leave sessions feeling clearer, lighter, or more grounded?
5. Does my therapist explain things in a way that makes sense for me?
6. Are we working toward the goals I want, not what they assume?
7. Do I feel comfortable being honest, even when it’s hard?
8. Is our communication style compatible?
9. Do I feel like I’m making progress?
10. Do I trust their guidance and clinical approach?
11. Would I recommend this therapist to someone I care about?
12. Does this therapeutic relationship challenge me in a growth-oriented way without feeling dismissive or overwhelming?
13. Do I feel my therapist genuinely understands the cultural, personal, or identity factors that shape my experiences?

If you realize the answer to several of these is “no,” that’s okay. It might simply mean it’s time to adjust your goals or consider a different provider. Learn how to switch therapists without guilt.

Ready to Start Therapy? Here’s How Spring Health Makes It Easier

Therapy doesn’t have to be confusing or inaccessible. Spring Health makes it simple to find support that matches your needs and preferences, without the months-long waitlists.

With Spring Health, you can:

• Find an in-network therapist in minutes, not months
• Filter by therapist style, goals, identity preferences, and modalities
• See real-time availability and book sessions as soon as this week
• Complete a self-assessment so you and your therapist know exactly where to start
• Get support between sessions with free on-demand tools, guided programs, and chats with your provider

Check out therapists that accept your insurance.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are there questions I shouldn’t ask my therapist?

Most questions are welcome, but questions meant to meet your therapist’s needs (like personal details or validation) aren’t always helpful for your growth. The best rule: ask anything that supports your clarity, healing, or understanding of the process.

Is it normal to feel nervous about asking therapy questions?

Absolutely. Many people worry about saying the “wrong” thing, but therapy questions aren’t tests. Feeling nervous usually means the work matters to you, and therapists expect that.

What if my therapist doesn’t ask me many questions?

Different therapists have different styles. Some are highly interactive, while others use a reflective or open-ended approach. If you're unsure whether it’s working for you, it’s okay to ask, “Can we talk more about how your style works?”

Can I ask my therapist to change their approach or pace?

Yes. Therapy is collaborative! You can ask for more structure, slower pacing, more coping tools, or deeper exploration at any time, your preferences help shape the process.

How do I bring up something I’m embarrassed to talk about?

Try starting with: “This feels uncomfortable to say, but I think it’s important.” Therapists are trained for these moments, and naming the discomfort often makes the conversation easier.

What if I don’t know how to answer my therapist’s questions?

It’s completely okay to say, “I’m not sure,” “I need a minute,” or “Can you ask that another way?” Therapy questions are prompts, not pop quizzes. 

Are therapists judging my answers?

No, therapists ask questions to understand your patterns, not evaluate your character. Their goal is clarity, not criticism.

Do therapy questions get easier over time?

Usually they do! As trust builds, answering and asking questions starts to feel more natural. You’ll likely find yourself opening up more freely as the relationship deepens.

Can I ask my therapist why they’re asking a particular question?

Absolutely! It’s perfectly appropriate to ask, “What’s the purpose of that question?” 

What if the questions my therapist asks feel too intense?

You can say so. Try: “Can we slow down?” or “I’m not ready to go into that yet.” A good therapist will adapt their approach to ensure you feel safe.

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