Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Everyday Skills That Change Lives

DBT is often associated with support in regulating difficult emotions, behaviors that may have deep negative consequences and crises, but it’s also packed with skills anyone can use. Learn how DBT helps with emotional regulation, boundaries, and better relationships. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches real-world skills to manage emotions, reduce conflict, and build a life that feels more balanced and intentional. It’s useful for far more than just crisis situations.

Let’s demystify DBT and show you how it can help even if you’re not in crisis.

What Is DBT?

DBT blends cognitive behavioral techniques with mindfulness and acceptance. It helps you:

• Manage overwhelming emotions
• Build healthy boundaries
• Navigate conflict without exploding or shutting down
• Feel more in control of your reactions
  

DBT was originally developed to care for people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, a personality disorder that’s characterized for intense and unstable emotions, impulsive behaviors, and difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. Nowadays, it’s more widely used in treatment plans for:

• Trauma survivors
• Teens and young adults
• People with anxiety, depression, or intense mood swings
• People with eating disorders
• People with thoughts of suicide and self harm behaviors
  

The Core DBT Skill 

DBT is rooted in four key skills. 

1. Mindfulness – Stay grounded in the moment
2. Distress Tolerance – Handle crisis without making it worse
3. Emotional Regulation – Understand and shift difficult feelings
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness – Get your needs met without losing yourself and improving interpersonal relationships

What makes DBT an especially effective type of therapy is that it’s not built on vague ideas.  Instead, it uses concrete strategies and skills you can practice in moments of distress which allows you to take control of your emotional well-being outside of therapy sessions.

What DBT Sessions Look Like                                                      

Many DBT therapists take a more structured, skills-teaching approach than other modalities which is what makes it so effective. Instead of only talking things through, you’ll actively practice skills that help you manage emotions, navigate relationships, and cope with stress.

Some of the most common things you might do in a DBT session include:

• Work through worksheets that break down coping strategies step by step.
• Track emotions between sessions to spot patterns and triggers.
• Role-playing conversations so you can practice your communication skills before you have to use them outside of therapy
• Practice mindfulness in-real time, learning how to anchor yourself when emotions run high.
• Building distress tolerance skills, so you can get through painful moments without making them worse.
• Exploring radical acceptance, finding ways to acknowledge reality as it is so you can move forward instead of staying stuck.

DBT is active, not passive. It’s about learning, practicing, and applying tools in and outside of sessions. 

Real-Life DBT Skills (You Can Try Today)

DBT has so many skills that you can try without even starting therapy. Some of the best that you can try on your own include: 

• The “STOP” Skill: Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. STOP gives you the pause button we all need. It’s that split second where you shift from reacting on autopilot to responding with intention. 
• Opposite Action is all about doing the opposite of what your emotion is urging you to do. The idea is that you shift your emotional state by changing your behavior first, instead of waiting for the feeling to change on its own. An example of this might be that you’re anxious for a big presentation you have coming up. Instead of giving into the anxiety all day long and letting yourself catastrophize, you lean into the Opposite Action skill and just exude confidence. You hype yourself up with a friend on the phone, do some jumping jacks to get the jitters out, and remind yourself that anxiety doesn’t mean danger. By acting with confidence, even if you don’t feel it yet, you give your emotions a chance to catch up with your actions.
• The DEAR MAN Communication Technique is a structured way to ask for what you want, set boundaries, or handle conflict effectively. Each letter stands for a step in the process:
  
  • D – Describe: Stick to the facts of the situation without judgment or emotion.
    Example: “When meetings start late…”
  • E – Express: Share your feelings about the situation.
    Example: “…I feel frustrated because it delays my work.”
  • A – Assert: Clearly state what you need or want. Don’t hint, be direct.
    Example: “I need us to start meetings on time.”
  • R – Reinforce: Explain why meeting your request benefits both parties.
    Example: “If we start on time, we’ll get more done and reduce stress for everyone.”
  • M – Mindful: Stay focused on your goal.
    Example: If someone interrupts or criticizes, gently bring the conversation back: “Let’s focus on finding a solution.”
  • A – Appear confident: Use steady voice, eye contact, and body language to show you mean what you say.
  • N – Negotiate: Be willing to give and take. Explore compromises that work for both sides.

Spring Health Can Match You With a DBT-Informed Therapist

Whether you're new to therapy or need tools to help navigate the struggles in your life, DBT might be right for you and we can help you find the right fit.