Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish; And How to Start

Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury; it helps prevent burnout, regulate emotions, and support daily wellbeing. Even simple acts like rest, boundaries, or gratitude can shift your mental health.

What Is Self-Care, Really?

Self-care isn’t just expensive spa days and anti-oxidant packed green smoothies. It’s anything that helps you: recharge your energy, protect your mental health, and strengthen your resilience.

That could look like journaling, meditating, being in nature, or simply saying “no” to things that drain you. In a recent Spring Health webinar, our mental health experts shared how self-care can be both personal and powerful especially in a work setting: “Self-care doesn’t have to be adding more to your plate. Sometimes it’s about taking things off.”—Tou Ger Lee, ICF-Accredited Coach

In other words, self-care isn’t about doing more. Sometimes it’s just about doing what matters most to your well-being.

Common Myths That Keep You from Practicing Self-Care

Many people struggle to prioritize self-care, not because they don’t want to, but because they’ve internalized beliefs that make it feel like a luxury. Here are the most common myths our therapists hear about self-care: 

Myth 1: “I’m too busy.”

Many of us believe self-care only happens when everything else is done. But the truth is,  you can (and need to) take care of yourself while taking care of life responsibilities. Instead of falling into this trap, reframe self-care as fuel. You don’t wait to fill your gas tank after the car dies. You fill it so the car can keep going.

Ask yourself:

• What’s one thing I can take off my plate this week?
• How can I give myself 5 minutes back today?

Myth 2: “It’s selfish.”

This is one of the most damaging, and common, misconceptions. If you’ve internalized the idea that your needs are “too much,” self-care may feel indulgent or even wrong. But here’s the truth: “Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s how we sustain ourselves so we can show up at work, at home, and with each other.”—Shlomit Liz Sanders, LMFT, CCTP

Think about this: 

• Where did I learn that caring for myself was wrong?
• What happens when I treat self-care as healthcare, not a luxury?

Myth 3: “I have to earn it.” 

This belief turns self-care into a reward instead of a necessity. You may feel like you can’t rest until you’ve been “productive enough.”

Self-care isn’t something you get to pursue after checking every box. It's something you deserve simply because you're human, and it actually helps you stay consistent, grounded, and emotionally available in the long run.

Pause and reflect: 

• What would change if I gave myself permission to rest before I'm at my limit?
• How would I treat a friend who felt guilty for needing a break?

How to Identify What You Need

There’s no universal self-care checklist because your needs are uniquely yours and they can change from day to day. On some days, self-care might be giving yourself permission to take a break to stretch after you’ve wrapped up a big project at work, other days it might be closing your eyes and taking deep breaths while sitting in the sun.

A simple way to start to identify what you need is by reflecting on five key areas of wellbeing:

Physical 

Includes: Sleep, movement, nutrition, rest

Your body carries you through the world, so physical care isn’t optional, it’s foundational. Ask yourself: Am I getting enough rest? Do I need to move my body or slow down today? Have I eaten something nourishing recently? 

Sometimes the best self-care is a glass of water, a walk around the block, or giving yourself permission to rest for a moment.

Mental 

Includes: Focus, stimulation, stress management

Mental self-care is about creating space to think clearly and stay grounded. This might mean unplugging from your phone, setting realistic to-do lists, or engaging in something mentally refreshing like reading, journaling, or learning a new skill. 

When your thoughts feel scattered or stuck, ask: What’s overwhelming me right now? What would help me feel mentally clear or calm?

Emotional 

Includes: Mood, self-talk, emotional regulation

Emotionally caring for yourself starts with noticing how you’re feeling, and how you're treating yourself in response. Are you being hard on yourself? Are you bottling something up? 

Emotional self-care can include naming your feeling without judging it, crying as a form of release, or journaling on specific prompts. To understand your emotional needs, ask: What am I feeling right now, and what might I need to feel supported?

Spiritual

Includes: Meaning, purpose, alignment

Spirituality doesn’t have to involve religion, though it can. It’s about feeling connected to something bigger, to your values, or simply to yourself. This could be meditation, being in nature, creating art, or reflecting on your “why.” 

Ask: What makes me feel most like me? Where do I feel a sense of purpose or peace?

Social  

Includes: Connection, support, boundaries

Humans are wired for connection, but not all connections will fill your cup. Social self-care is about knowing who fills your cup, who drains it, and how to hold healthy boundaries. 

Maybe you need to reach out to someone you trust to talk about life, maybe you just need to send a text and catch up with a friend that way, or maybe you need alone time to reset. 

Take a moment and ask yourself:

• Which of these areas is feeling neglected?

• What’s one small thing I can do to nurture it?

The biggest mistake people make with self-care? Overcomplicating it. You don’t need a 7-step morning routine or a digital detox retreat. Try incorporating these micro-habits throughout your day: 

• Morning: Write down 1–3 things you're grateful for to address your emotional self-care
• Lunch: Actually take one, away from your screen to address your mental self-care
• Midday: Take a 2-minute stretch or breath break to address your physical self-care 

These habits are small but they’re repeatable which makes them more powerful than big moments of self-care in isolation. As Lee put it: “A lot of a little can make a huge difference in your day.”

Your Next Step Might Be Coaching or Therapy

If self-care feels overwhelming or you’re not sure where to start, a therapist or coach can help you:

• Identify what’s keeping you stuck
• Build self-kindness into your inner voice
• Make a plan, and follow through with it

Whether you’re recovering from burnout or just ready to find that balance, support is here. We provide personalized mental health care, from therapy to coaching to medication management, for individuals, families, and entire teams. If you’re ready to feel better, we’re ready to help you get there.